


God I hope this year is better than the last

by Catznetsov



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Ethnocentrism, Eventual Happy Ending, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Marriage of Convenience, Mutual Pining, Queer Themes, Skype, Team as Family, Xenophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 19:02:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13957986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catznetsov/pseuds/Catznetsov
Summary: Nicke pinches him. “Alex, I can take care of this one thing, and you’re back where you should be. Or—different, close, you know.”Alex only looks at him. Looks, and looks, and it’s more than too much.“Please,” Nicke says. “I’ll take care of it. Alex, will you marry me?”“Okay,” Alex says. He says it slowly, and then he presses his fist to his mouth anyway like that could have stopped the word, bites into his knuckles and then lets them go.He looks breathtaking, the way you catch your breath before stepping out into the cold.Ovi is outed and Team Russia won't have him; Nicke marries him for Swedish citizenship, Olympic gold, and a love Nicke's been sitting on for eleven years.





	God I hope this year is better than the last

2018

You realize stupid things after you know someone for eleven years.

Nicklas has his emotional feet placed under him, bracing to make a face and poke fun when Alex looks awful in gold and blue, but then of course he doesn’t. Oh, Nicke thinks, like a finger hooked under the softest part of his ribs: that’s right. Alex’s eyes are blue.

“Come on, baby,” Alex says, in history’s worst Swedish. “Let’s fuck this up.”

 

* * *

 

2014

Alex doesn’t quite speak to Nicke during Olympic rounds.

He doesn’t stop talking the way he’s always done, taking up space until Nicke gave in and learned to interpret the lines of his body and his bad ideas. Alex hungry, Alex happy, Alex strongly considering a cigarette from the pack Nicke suspects Sasha’s smuggled in with his bags. Alex isn’t easy, but he makes knowing him easy enough.

He says _hello_ in the hall, and—something in Russian. _Hey_ , from where he’s snuck behind their bench. _Nicky, hey, Nicky, Nicky, what’s up_ when they’re both in the dining hall and Nicke hasn’t acknowledged him, and then more Russian when Nicke sits down with him for a minute, surrounded by his friends. Sasha kindly tips half his peas onto Nicke’s plate, which Nicke knows is pointed because Sasha hoards vegetables back home. Alex, if he’s supposed to notice Sasha’s deliberate kindness, only chatters on.

But he doesn’t say anything out loud to Nicke about who he’s fucking, for sure. Nicke has been trying not to listen to the easy fall of Alex’s shoulders or his prowling walk all week, even when they say he definitely is, with someone.

When Nicke has finished the half of his coffee he planned to allow Alex and is starting to see his national teammates looking around for him, he gathers up his tray. There’s no pause in the conversation, but Alex spots him going and throws out a hand, as if he wants to clasp Nicke’s goodbye.

Nicke gives him a little wave, and tries to look away before he gets too caught up wondering if Alex is staring by anyone else’s standards, or if it just feels that way when someone has eyes like Alex’s.

Sasha dimples up at him as soon as he pulls himself away from Alex’s look. Nicke, who’d briefly hoped his face wasn’t doing anything it shouldn’t do, imagines pouring coffee on his head, but he takes the high road to Team Sweden’s table instead.

It’s easy to blame love on Alex, because Alex makes it easy.

**Author's Note:**

> This story owes at least half of its heart to @blushingsweet from our discussions of isolation, race, and homophobia in hockey fandom.
> 
> This may be a rough ride for those of you who are living with the fear of trans*misogynist/homophobic violence in your home countries. I hope it can be a comfort to see that fear painted as honestly as I can.
> 
> I'm only one person writing from my own experience of politicized ethnic identity, while trying to learn from and credit other voices. I'm committed to hearing feedback, including critique, from international queer readers, while keeping true to the particular experience I set out to write. Please feel welcome to reach out to me here or on whatever private medium you're comfortable with.
> 
> I promise there's going to be pining, fucking, and my shitty Slavic dad jokes, too.


End file.
